May 23

Hooray for today! The moon is shining brightly and the air outside is warm. I spent the evening (22nd) with friends, kids and my sister. =0) I am so blessed. I think my favorite part of the evening was learning new clapping songs the kids and listening to a six year old learn to read as she stumbled through words. The delight on her face when she finally figured each word out was an expression superior to a child opening a present on Christmas.

Now it is May 23, 2005. I am officially 25 years old (and my driver's license is due today...so lucky me...I get to take a trip to the license branch...no really...it will be fun because I am going to make it exciting...think of all the people there is to meet!). I know that I have "been adult" for awhile now, even though I act like a kid a lot. But for some reason 25 sticks out as a year to be an adult. Maybe not to others...but it does to me. Perhaps it is because I like the number 5 and multiplications of the number, or maybe it is the fact that I am now a quarter of a century old or it just sounds good...25 in 2005 (if you take out the two 00...it matches!). I also think that I have begun to find tools to grow up more mentally and spiritually in the past couple of months. All my life I have been scared of adulthood...or maybe just not ready for it. I never thought much in detail past college and yet here I am...working...but not going anywhere...yet. I have been "mourning" the lose of childhood. Sounds crazy, but true. I pretend not too, but honestly I liked being little and didn't want to grow up. I feel ready now and energized to enter the adult world. The journey has already started, but I am now acknowledging it and ready to run forward. No longer seeking muddy crevices to get wedged in or closing my eyes while screaming and lugging my feet, I look forward to this adult world. I so blessed to have been spoiled to have such a great long childhood and now excited to see the adulthood of life. Every living person has the exact amount of seconds to live each age. So I rejoice and give thanks for my 25 years thus far. I will always be a “kid” in some regards, but now is the day to celebrate adulthood. Gracefulness and anticipation of each moment.

Hmmm....

OH, I have so much I could say. I love writing here, but haven’t in awhile because well…there's other activities that need attention, and this can get addicting.

A misty rain fell through out today. It was like living in cloud. Our phone went dead so it was great not relying on it for 24 hours. Makes a person realize the phone is just one more item usually taken for granted.

Yesterday, I was blessed to go wedding shopping with a friend. Trying on dresses, taking pictures, laughing at the odd gowns that we couldn't imagine anyone really wanting to wear. The happy hours slipped. Isn't it great to be with friends and sharing life?

The desire for a warm, hot drink and time to think brought me to a coffee house today. (A new location for studying would be helpful because I have gotten to know the locals of this place making it difficult to study for any period of time, especially when it comes to guys. There are a few that enter quite regularly. They are nice guys, but how do you get across the fact you are not interested without being rude? I am still thinking on that one).

Anyways, there is one guy who is not there to date...who just desires quality conversation, and that is what we have.

As I sipped my tea and argued my case, I realized once more how much of my faith is based on sermons and lessons I have learned from others. How many verses do I really know apart from what I have been taught? I process what I read in the Bible according to past learnings. Critical thinking is not being used. Sad. What exactly is my world view and how did I get there? I do not know, and this should not be. I mold too easily to others, and it is time to really dig into the Bible. Whether this guy is right or wrong...I do not know. What is known is he stands firm in what he believes because of the studying he has poured into it. How many Christians really read the Bible or think for themselves? The numbers seem to be low.

Is there such a thing as free will? Do humans play an active role in salvation? Can you believe that they do not and also believe that predestination is wrong? Does God hear the prayers of all people or only those who have his spirit in them? Must a person fear God and his justice completely before fully understanding salvation? How do you know you are saved? Do the majority of people act as if it is deeds even if they say it is through Jesus? I know that it is hard for me to view God in his Justice. It seems so harsh, yet I do not want to soften God or put him into a mold I make because that would be worshipping a "false God". Truth is what I seek. It is strange, because part of me is at peace “just believing” and not thinking. Yet I know the importance of thinking and knowing so I will seek it out.

In other news...6 days till we move and yes it is hard. Such a dream. I wish I wasn't so sentimental. All that surrounds me has meaning. Thankfully, I can take the memories with me. My little sister has a boyfriend for the first time! Exciting, scary and good all at once. I am planning on traveling this summer and also running a marathon. Very fun.

Moving

I love to think and try to sound wise, but I usually don't. I think big words are amazing and wish my vocabulary was bigger...so I try to learn new words, but usually I forget them...probably because I don't practice them enough. I know my last two entries are well...hmm...maybe they are more solemn. So I decided to write a different one tonight. Just because. The weather outside is amazing. I am tempted to sleep under the stars, but well...considering I need a good night's rest, I better not. (Because I would wake up when the sun rose if I slept outside...and by the time I get to bed...the sun will rise in less than 4 hours).

My family is moving! Strange. My parents have lived in the same house all of my life. There are so many good memories there, and I am a sentimental person. It is hard to believe in just two weeks the house will belong to another lady. Sad. I am happy for my parents and in some ways extremely ready for a change, but tonight as I walked through the house...I was in a trance. I can't really imagine not living here in just 16 days! Everything is so familiar and fills me with peace. This house is welcoming and cozy. It might be an old home, but it is a good one. I love the Sunroom with the windows that bring in the early morning light. And the heater that can blow dry long hair in 2 minutes flat or can warm a cold body (because the heat in the rest of the house is turned down so low). There’s a built in bookshelf including a desk built by a dear friend…a desk that coexists as a “lion’s den” when friends are over. Cool spring air is streaming through the windows as I type...the attic fan pulling the outside in. So much better than air conditioning. I love the long hallway that gets people confused...connecting to the living room on both ends, it's a great indoor track and pathway for games. There's a "decorative sandbox" as you walk in the front door that is actually quite fun. When I was little, I tried to see how far down the white sand went. I love the big windows that look into the yard. The yard which is filled with fruit trees. Yum! This is a good house and I hope whoever moves in enjoys it as much as we did and treats it with respect. I know it is just a house. Memories stay with me. It is still hard though.

Today we packed boxes for Salvation Army. It is amazing how one person can have so many clothes! Yuck! I just want to simplify, but when it comes down to it, what do you get rid of? I am living in a spoiled society.

I had so much fun just being outside today. I can’t wait to get a bike so that I ride around town. =0) I am hoping to purchase one at the end of this month!

Freshness

Breathing in the sweet soothing air of the day filled me with freshness. Birds singing, sun shining and then hiding behind the clouds of rain making the air smooth. Spring. =0) Today my sister and I hung out. She's such an amazing girl. We went rollerblading with a friend through our downtown park. People were out and about enjoying the weather. Children screaming, laughing, running through the fountains. Colorful elephants lined the park. (It's a fundraiser for a local college.) The art of these elephants were amazing. Some bright multicolor collages while others were detailed with scenic pictures...some elephants were dressed up. The creativity was impressive. My sister, brave, never rollerblading before took up courage and launched away even though inside I am sure she was scared. Rolling down the hills with the wind in her hair. The river to the right and green grass on the left, around the park we went...

The Joy of Living in the Present

Life. A gift. An amazing opportunity to be alive, enjoying the beauty and circumstances that flow from all that surrounds. A chance to serve. laugh. give. receive. impact. Living in the present. Trusting and being filled with peace. TRUE peace from within. Past events and memories not to consume. Future and forbearing left to be discovered as they melt into the present. Thankfulness for this moment.