Sunday, September 07, 2008
He died. I don't know when, but his heart stopped again...on my old floor and then...it was then end. I wish I could find his wife. I wish I could just give her a BIG hug. Life is not okay for her. What a terrible week. Unreal. The End.
Another tonight...pale and fragile she was wheeled in. She wasn't actively dying, but death was written across her body. Abused by the chemo and war against her body...it won't take long till it ends. Pain. That is what her reality is...how does one cope with that? She seems okay with dying...yet doesn't want to leave her young kids behind. Her tired eyes whispher her body's fatigue. I can't believe she is only ten years old than I. How much longer does she have? What a terrible battle. But this is just one more of the untold parts of life. Real life that many put off as nightmares. Reality. Truth. Pain.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Smelling the fresh cool air and listening to the lull of the traffic, I look up at the shining stars as my car door shuts. Thankful for this moment ...a moment that my health is well and my heart is beating...wondering how a man and his wife are doing across town.Both nurses and the doctor commented that I did well tonight. What does that mean? No, i think it just because...what else do you say? Reminded of the days of ICU, this guy came in sick...confused from the beginning with bp too low and heart rate rapid...pulses weak and extremities cool. Something more was going on...working hard minutes seemed like hours yet I still wanted time to stop. Starting up iv and then another and one more...drips of medication and a fountain of fluid being poured into his veins. He seems like such a great guy. Wife outside, worried look...the truth is so hard to listen to...glad she has friends to hold her hand. Units of blood being given...no avail..heart stops and compressions began...intubation and NG placed...meds given...will he make it? He did for the hour...heart pumping again on its own...he made across town and into surgery.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
August 12th...that's what the calendar says...but is it true? How can it be? Why does time pass so quickly? I don't want to race. People at work think that I am naive....they keep telling me that I will harden but I'm not as naive as they think...and I'm more harden then it appears. How can you not be when you deal with people who abuse the system and are so self centered they can't see beyond themselves? Spending hundreds of dollars, sometimes weekly, of other people's money to keep up their addictions...or to provide themselves with comfort. It angers me that they have enough money to have tattoos and cigarettes yet can't seem to find enough to feed their children...their children who will learn to copy and follow in their footsteps. My Dad says they are ill...sick in fact...just a different type and need help. I am amazed at my Dad whose worked with these types of people for years...how does he do it? His words do help me gain a caring perspective, but it's diffucult to keep when stress builds, people keep coming and then "they" arrive demanding royal treatment. Leaning on others and playing the games...agh! I want to show them grace and love them fully. How can I do this? How can I not judge them? How can I show mercy yet feed into their habit as little as possible? How do I show them TRUE love. I guess first it's surrendering...letting go and then stepping outside of your perspective. I don't want to harden...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
People. Unique. Individuals. Today I am reminded how blessed I am to know certain people. Ones that exist in this time...in this place...living in the same circles I move in. Surrounded by gifts in the form of people ... Giving from the heart. Excited about life. Sharing wisdom. Selfless. Hardworking. Adventurous. Funny. Loving with agape love. Even though I get a glimpse of how fortunate I am, I can't truly understand the blessing. How can I learn from their wisdom and attributes?
Monday, July 14, 2008
Glowing briefly, the dancing lights splashed onto the leaves, flowers, grass and trees as the sun took a bow. Day dying, and night awakening. Speeding along, the intensity of lighting bugs crescendoed with every pedal rotation on my bike. My eyes could not help but stare as the lighting show grew...singing a song as it blinked. How could you not be filled with some joy? Orange sky with deep rich reds and yellows creating a solid base beat as it turned the trees into silhouettes. Lavender, deep purple, lacy white and yellow...even in the dimming light the flower scent danced their colors on the cool summer breeze. River to my right, skipping along to the beat as it jumped around rocks and twirled the branches that dove in for the fun. Wind flowing through my hair, whispering at my heart to join in. Surrounded by a gift...a present filled with such life and joy. Thankfulness that I took time to open this gift. I wonder how many others did tonight. What a blessing.
He died. I don't know when, but his heart stopped again...on my old floor and then...it was then end. I wish I could find his wife. I wish I could just give her a BIG hug. Life is not okay for her. What a terrible week. Unreal. The End.
Another tonight...pale and fragile she was wheeled in. She wasn't actively dying, but death was written across her body. Abused by the chemo and war against her body...it won't take long till it ends. Pain. That is what her reality is...how does one cope with that? She seems okay with dying...yet doesn't want to leave her young kids behind. Her tired eyes whispher her body's fatigue. I can't believe she is only ten years old than I. How much longer does she have? What a terrible battle. But this is just one more of the untold parts of life. Real life that many put off as nightmares. Reality. Truth. Pain.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Smelling the fresh cool air and listening to the lull of the traffic, I look up at the shining stars as my car door shuts. Thankful for this moment ...a moment that my health is well and my heart is beating...wondering how a man and his wife are doing across town.Both nurses and the doctor commented that I did well tonight. What does that mean? No, i think it just because...what else do you say? Reminded of the days of ICU, this guy came in sick...confused from the beginning with bp too low and heart rate rapid...pulses weak and extremities cool. Something more was going on...working hard minutes seemed like hours yet I still wanted time to stop. Starting up iv and then another and one more...drips of medication and a fountain of fluid being poured into his veins. He seems like such a great guy. Wife outside, worried look...the truth is so hard to listen to...glad she has friends to hold her hand. Units of blood being given...no avail..heart stops and compressions began...intubation and NG placed...meds given...will he make it? He did for the hour...heart pumping again on its own...he made across town and into surgery.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
August 12th...that's what the calendar says...but is it true? How can it be? Why does time pass so quickly? I don't want to race. People at work think that I am naive....they keep telling me that I will harden but I'm not as naive as they think...and I'm more harden then it appears. How can you not be when you deal with people who abuse the system and are so self centered they can't see beyond themselves? Spending hundreds of dollars, sometimes weekly, of other people's money to keep up their addictions...or to provide themselves with comfort. It angers me that they have enough money to have tattoos and cigarettes yet can't seem to find enough to feed their children...their children who will learn to copy and follow in their footsteps. My Dad says they are ill...sick in fact...just a different type and need help. I am amazed at my Dad whose worked with these types of people for years...how does he do it? His words do help me gain a caring perspective, but it's diffucult to keep when stress builds, people keep coming and then "they" arrive demanding royal treatment. Leaning on others and playing the games...agh! I want to show them grace and love them fully. How can I do this? How can I not judge them? How can I show mercy yet feed into their habit as little as possible? How do I show them TRUE love. I guess first it's surrendering...letting go and then stepping outside of your perspective. I don't want to harden...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
People. Unique. Individuals. Today I am reminded how blessed I am to know certain people. Ones that exist in this time...in this place...living in the same circles I move in. Surrounded by gifts in the form of people ... Giving from the heart. Excited about life. Sharing wisdom. Selfless. Hardworking. Adventurous. Funny. Loving with agape love. Even though I get a glimpse of how fortunate I am, I can't truly understand the blessing. How can I learn from their wisdom and attributes?
Monday, July 14, 2008
Glowing briefly, the dancing lights splashed onto the leaves, flowers, grass and trees as the sun took a bow. Day dying, and night awakening. Speeding along, the intensity of lighting bugs crescendoed with every pedal rotation on my bike. My eyes could not help but stare as the lighting show grew...singing a song as it blinked. How could you not be filled with some joy? Orange sky with deep rich reds and yellows creating a solid base beat as it turned the trees into silhouettes. Lavender, deep purple, lacy white and yellow...even in the dimming light the flower scent danced their colors on the cool summer breeze. River to my right, skipping along to the beat as it jumped around rocks and twirled the branches that dove in for the fun. Wind flowing through my hair, whispering at my heart to join in. Surrounded by a gift...a present filled with such life and joy. Thankfulness that I took time to open this gift. I wonder how many others did tonight. What a blessing.
posted by redannie5 and her sister @ 13:56
0 comments
